Love Doesn’t Equal Happiness – At Least Not How You Think It Does

“Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they can make you happy.”


This was part of a longer post on Facebook, that sadly I can’t find to give attribution.

But no matter.  The thought is planted – forever – in my psyche.

I guess it’s the duality of that sentence that makes the voice in my head say it over and over and over again.

My first interpretation brought me to my recently failed marriage.  Clearly, I love him, but we stopped making each other happy sometime ago. We got bored, or lazy or just stopped trying.

My second interpretation took a completely different path.  Even if I love someone and the relationship is solid, he or she cannot make me happy. No one can make me happy. In fact, no one can make me feel anything.

How many of us consistently look for external sources of happiness, putting our happiness in someone else’s  hands?  Have you ever heard yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when . . .” putting off happiness until some magical event arrives,  like:

I get the job/promotion.

I get the girl/guy.

I get the car/house/luxury item.

I’m done with <insert stressful situation of your choice>.

happy movieIn the movie, “Happy” available on Netflix, researchers uncover that happiness is not a function of how much you have, but a function of your state of mind, once your basic needs are met.   I highly recommend this 75-minute documentary, as it’s an amazing study of the human condition and incredibly thought-provoking. (Props to Kelley Gardner for introducing me to it!)

“Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they can make you happy.”

Only I can make myself happy,

by making a conscious choice to be happy,

by being congruent – in words and actions – with my self-image,

by valuing myself,

by taking care of myself,

by not taking myself too seriously,

by surrounding myself with others who choose to be happy,

by remembering all of the amazing blessings in my life,

and by being grateful for each of them.

How do you cultivate happiness?

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